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Snoring during sleep is commonly heard in children as well as in adults. It may be more marked if the child has a cold or a blocked nose, because the airways are narrowed at this time. A child who has large tonsils may also be prone to snoring. In general, snoring is more of a nuisance than a danger, and concerned parents should be reassured that many other normal children snore in their sleep. Encouraging your child to sleep on his side rather than his back may lead to some improvement of the problem.

SORE THROAT (PHARYNGITIS)

This is one of the commonest complaints of childhood and can be due to a number of causes, including viral infection, such as the common cold, influenza or glandular fever. Bacterial causes are less frequent but include streptococcal infection which can cause severe complications if left untreated. Most sore throats are accompanied by swelling and redness of the tonsils, called tonsillitis. If your child has a sore throat it is always wise to check with your doctor.

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1. The wife should not see the scar from surgery. She should be helped to see her whole body, including the surgical site, while still in the hospital and with the husband present. I have the husband and wife look directly at each other’s armpits. It tell them to stare at them and talk about what they feel. “It’s weird. I mean, it seems weird to look at just one part,” said one wife. That is just the point. If you look “at” the scar, that is all you will see. So look at each other, the entire body. Do it in private, but bask for more information from a nurse/oncology specialist after doing this or if you are unable to continue. I find the nurse/oncology specialists to be very helpful in these cases, good teachers and listeners and strong on empathy.

2. Change sides of the bed if necessary, so that the intact breast is first encountered when sexual contact is made. This change seems to help at first. After a time, it really won’t matter.

3. Either you will grow from this problem or the relationship will suffer. It’s up to you. Changing how you have sex does not mean diminishing it. Learning to include other areas of the body for sexual stimulation may enhance, not just’ ‘adjust,” the sexual relationship.

4. Depression is a natural part of living, too. Talking it out together or with someone else can help. And remember, depression is like everything else in life. It does not last forever. One wife reported, “The depression is not so bad if I don’t get too depressed about the depression.”

5. There is no need to “test” things by trying to get “right back to sex.” Being sick and in the hospital takes a lot out of a person besides money. Give yourselves time.

6. All sex does not have to be mutual sex. If one or the other partner wants sex, it is helpful to have some “special” experiences for one partner only. Try the “spa” experience I mentioned in Chapter Eight. Many of the mastectomy patients in my couples group found this helpful in learning to “re-accept” their body. Doctors don’t usually talk about such things because they were trained in the third perspective that all sex is mutual and culminates in intercourse. You know better now. Reopen your own sex clinic.

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women.

FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: People are erotically responsive to wide and changing ranges of sexual stimuli, and love maps, not gender, determine such responsiveness.

2.    Men cannot control their ejaculation for long periods of time.

They must ejaculate to be “complete.”

FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: Ejaculation is a reflex, but it can be influenced through practice, awareness of body response, communication, and separation of ejaculation from the idea of release, completeness, or outlet.

3.    Intimate body contact is necessary for sex.

FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: Sexual communication can take place on many different levels, including levels that are not always measurable by our present instruments.

4.    Variety in sex partners is one of the strongest of sexual aphrodisiacs.

FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: Sameness, familiarity, predictability, knowing, and comfort are more important to sexual intensity and fulfillment than newness and variety.

5.    Erection of the clitoris and penis is necessary for sex.

FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: There is no need for erection of the clitoris or penis in order to achieve sexual fulfillment. Such erections are reflexive and not necessarily indicators of arousal.

6.    Sexual response is a cycle, one phase following and building

upon the other, followed by a complete reversal of this cycle.

FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: Sexual response is a system, and does not have to follow a step-by-step, orderly process. Changing back and forth to various phases of response and experience is possible.

7.    Sex energy builds up and then it must be released, followed by

rest.

FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: The energy of sexual intimacy is as much mental and spiritual as it is physical. It does not have to build, but can be maintained at a chosen level. Rest is not necessary after sexual intimacy. In fact, sexual interaction may be invigorating.

The erect penis in a receptive vagina for a long time, but not too long, continues to be the sexual standard. Erection, lubrication, reception, insertion, contraction is the cycle. As I looked at these factors, I learned that absolutely none of them were based on anything but assumption and that if we change our assumptions, a new model of sexual response results. Chapters Six and Seven will detail the sexual response of men and women. I present here the’ ‘Fourth-perspective sexual response model” that results when we change our assumptions about sex to include a systems, intimacy view.

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One of the most severe pains is produced by a stone from the kidney.

Renal stones or calculi are common in Australia and other warm climates because, it is thought, of the concentrated urine which is a feature of those who live where a lot of fluid is lost by perspiration.

Before the 20th century, bladder stones were common and gave rise to a lot of controversy as to whether they should be removed by operation. The original oath of Hippocrates forbad physicians to “cut even for the stone.”

Now bladder stones are rarely seen. This may be due to better nutrition or other factors.

Apart from the increase in the amounts of soluble substances which may precipitate out of urine there are several other factors which may cause stones to form in the kidneys.

Vitamin A is concerned with the nourishment of skin and other epithelial surfaces.

It is thought that a deficiency of this vitamin may lead to degeneration of the epithelium lining the kidney and debris from this could form the nidus on which various salts are laid down and stones form.

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For the majority, it proves to be a minor problem like an occasional headache. For others, it may lead to severe and prolonged pain and disability and result in permanent invalidity.

It may be associated with secondary emotional illness with depression, lack of self-esteem, chronic anxiety and domestic and marital problems. The old idea of many chronic back sufferers being malingerers has, one hopes, almost disappeared.

The spinal column consists of a number of bones, the vertebrae. When looked at from the front, it is straight, but when viewed from the side, it has a number of curves. Because they are arranged like two Ss, one on top of the other, the end result is a functional straight line.

Each vertebra consists of a thick portion of bone, the body, from which two projections come off and meet at the back forming a canal through which the spinal cord passes.

A further projection, the spine, comes off where these join and this is the knob we feel in the centre of our backs. Further projections both upwards and downwards form joints with the vertebra above and below.

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Home care:     

Use cold water compresses, calamine lotion, and corn flour baths to help relieve itching.

If hives are caused by an allergy, medication prescribed by the doctor can be given to the child when the hives appear.

Precautions:

-    See the doctor if hives appear on the child’s tongue.

-    See the doctor immediately if the child is coughing or has difficulty breathing or swallowing.

-    If the child has hives accompanied by fever, the doctor will order a culture to check for strep throat

-    If an allergic child’s medication doesn’t relieve the hives, call the doctor.

Hives (urticaria) are an allergic reaction of the skin, and about 20 percent of children develop hives once or repeatedly. Hives can involve any area of the skin, and 95 percent of cases are caused by foods, beverages, or medications to which the child is allergic. Among the substances most likely to trigger a reaction are citrus fruits, chocolate, nuts (including peanut butter), tomatoes, berries, spices, sweets, tropical fruits and fruit juices, and artificial food flavorings.

The small proportion of cases of hives not caused by a food or medication allergy’ is caused by one of the following: a substance that the child has touched, such as a plant, ointment, or cosmetic, or the saliva of a dog or cat; an insect bite or sting; overexposure to sunlight or cold temperatures; or something the child has inhaled, for instance, pollen, mold, an insecticide, animal dander, or feathers. One rarely seen form of hives is caused by respiratory or other viruses, by the streptococcus bacterium, or by certain medications. This form of hives is known as erythema multiforme.

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Cystitis is an inflammation of the lining of the bladder. More than half of all western women suffer from it at some time in their lives, and some do so repeatedly. Although cystitis is unpleasant it is not dangerous and can be prevented much of the time if you know what to do.

What causes it?

• Bacteria which normally live in and around the bowel opening can find their way up the urinary-passage and into the bladder. This happens very easily in women because the passage is very short. The germs multiply inside the bladder, irritate it and make the woman want to pass water frequently, often with a burning sensation.

• Friction along the urinary passage during sexual intercourse. A woman who is insufficiently aroused produces only a very small quantity of natural secretions in her vagina. Her partner’s penis then causes too much friction and ‘milks’ germs up her urinary passage and into her bladder. Also, some women’s bladders are directly bruised by their partner’s penis in certain intercourse positions.

• Allergies are an uncommon cause. Some women are allergic to vaginal deodorants, perfumed talc and so on.

• Irritable bladder. A few women have exceptionally sensitive bladders.

• Anxiety or depression. Some women who are depressed or who are having relationship or sexual problems develop cystitis. This often removes them from the sexual arena altogether-which may be what they unconsciously desire.

• Coffee, tea and alcohol can cause cystitis in some women.

Prevention

• Eat a healthy, balanced diet low in refined foods and high in fruit and vegetables and cereal fibre. This, in itself, will help prevent infections.

• Drink plenty of fluids-about 3-4 pints a day. This flushes out germs and keeps your urine dilute.

• Don’t wait until you are bursting to pass water. Get into the habit of going before you leave on a journey or go somewhere where you will not have access to a lavatory. Avoid hanging on until you can’t wait any longer.

• Ensure that you empty your bladder fully. Don’t rush off the lavatory-give yourself time.

• If you think your cystitis is related to sexual intercourse here are some things to do.

1. You and your partner should wash your genital areas beforehand.

2. Your partner should spend more time in foreplay to arouse you better.

3. Pass water before and after sex.

4. Use KY jelly or a similar bland lubricant if you don’t produce enough natural secretion yourself. These are available from chemists.

5. Avoid intercourse positions that seem to cause bruising of your bladder.

• Get into the habit of wiping your bottom from front to back, to avoid dragging germs from your bowel opening to your vaginal area.

• Wash your vaginal and anal area every morning and evening, even if you don’t plan to have sex. Get into the habit.

• Never use vaginal deodorants, perfumed soap or talcum in the vaginal area.

• Avoid coffee, tea or alcohol if they seem to make you worse or drink them very dilute.

• Avoid wearing tights-change to stockings. Never wear jeans or tight, airless trousers. Wear cotton, rather than man-made, panties.

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